In the early hours one morning my girlfriend decided to start playing Call of Duty on her PlayStation and simultaneously let loose a load of verbal diarrhoea as follows:

1. ‎’I shot a black person!’ - Quote from the big chief herself.
2. ‎’Have you ever shot a rock thinking it was a person?’ - …
3. ‎’I need to shoot the black people. They’re after us.’ - The racism continues.
4. ‎’I forgot to check my stats from that last match, I think I done good.’ - Regarding her mad ‘skillz’.
5. ‎’I shot him..naw he shot me’ - So pro.
6. ‎’Someone just put a big rocket through me.’ - I think we may need words.
7. ‎’I forgot to check my stats again’ - On forgetting to check her stats again.
8. ‎’Hahaha I took a bullet to the knee and limped on. That would be a good meme.’ - On making shit memes.
9. ‎’Shit. I shot water.’ - Water. She shot it.
10. ‎’We got defeated, why do we keep losing?’ - Well this is awkward.
11. ‎’I got the most UAVs in the match you proud of me?’ - Immensely.
12. ‎’I’m crouching because it makes me feel sneaky’ - On being a ninja.
13. ‎’I knew he was up there! But I didn’t think he was up there.’ - On being retarded.
14. ‎’Right, that’s a wall.’ - Stating the obvious.
15. ‎’We won.’ - Finally.
16. ‎’How am I stupid?’ - ^^^
17. ‎’I thought that was a floating guy there but it was a lamppost.’ - For the love of…
18. ‎’I was sittin shootin a car! I thought it was a person, there was fire coming from over there but I focused on the car.’ - Well done.
19. ‎’Is that a person?’ Whilst shooting thin air.
20. ‎’I need dead bodies.’ - Oh the horror!
21. ‎’I thought the car was a person thats what I was sayin!’ - Transformers: Robots In Disguise.
22. ‎’I got a UAV hehehe…I activated my UAV hehehe.’ - Expressing joy over the unlocking and subsequent usage of her UAV.
23. ‎’I could have got him if I wasn’t shooting that wall!’ - The vendetta continues.
24. ‎’I’ve got a silencer, to silence.’ - On weapon attachments.
25. ‎’People must hate me on this. I would hate me on this.’ - At least she knows.
26. ‎’I sorta chased him and realised I had no bullets.’ - On being a highly trained soldier.
27. ‎’I need water, this is thirsty work I’ll have you know.’ - On working up a sweat playing a video game.
28. ‎’Look I’m black’ - Resuming her racist ways.
29. ‎’Cheat. He must be cheating.’ - On being killed and sucking at the game.
30. ‎’His clan tag is ‘drug’ - Demonstrating her reading abilities.
31. ‎’I smashed a window but I don’t know why.’ - On being a menace to society.
32. ‎’I want to kill someone!’ - Displaying psychotic tendencies.
33. ‎’I hope no ones judging me.’ - Just me.
34.  ‎’I got an assist but I could have got him on my own’ - On being a rouge lone wolf living on the edge.
35. ‎’Wee camping prick!’ - Regarding people in tents.

Despite all of this my girlfriend continues to play Call of Duty undeterred and so luckily, or unfortunately, for me I can continue to listen intently to her nuggets of wisdom